as they crowd the entrance of the infamous and disgusting and grotty shopping centre and they spit at you when you try to enter. Not only do they swarm the town centre, they are popular on the Jeremy Kyle Show, and Big Fat Gypsy Wedding.
The bus station stinks of piss, and the stench knocks you out as you enter it. Not only is the smell of urine prominent, it is almost certain you will contract HIV or AIDS if you touch the handrail of the escalators.
All in all there are about four decent shops in the entire town, and it lacks any form of Starbucks. The council recently invested in a large fountain outside Burger King near the Market Square, but that had to be shut down as someone caught cholera from it or something. That basically sums up Northampton.
Standing on Abington Street in the town centre in a large group or lurking outside Topshop in the shopping centre is often considered a social event and on Saturdays it is not uncommon to witness the streets of the town centre being swarmed with crusty 10 year old prostitute look a likes, and even in the depths of winter all girls seem to feel the need to wear bum-cheek revealing shorts and crop tops and stand shivering in the market square shouting insults to passersby.
Also it is not uncommon for the girls share boys like a shisha.
As you can tell Northampton is often overcome with tourists no matter what time of year.
person 2: “It was the worst place I had ever visited!! A chav infested shithole! SO GRIM”
person 1: “Take it you went to Northampton?”
Now sadly Northampton has changed. It has become a townie ( read definition) breeding ground, and is a dangerous place for any who do not follow their way of life.
We Northamptonians seem to have a mild accent compared to other areas but still seem to make our a’s sound more like ey. The older natives of Northampton and the surrounding area have a tendancy to call people “me duck” pronounced “meh duck”.
Northampton is rapidly expanding and has a strong rivalry with nearby town Milton Keynes.
The townie population of Northampton, who also happen to make up a large amount of Northampton Town FC “the cobblers” supporters. Being sadly lacking in intellingence for the most part, these people now despise any who live in the towns of Millwall, Peterborough, Rushden (strong hatred there) and pretty much any town with a football team in the same division as them.
Nightime in Northampton is not glamourous, but the townies and the closely related, but generally richer and better looking “trendies” see it as the highlight of their lives. Scores of young girls, wearing pink short skirts, skimpy black tops and stumbling around half drunk laughing their heads off at something as insignifficant as tripping on a curb can be seen.
Males often and try and gel their hair into some form of modern style, regardless of receeding hairline. They mainly wear Ben Sherman clothing and many will wear much smaller versions of what the townies refer to as “bling”.
Northampton does have its class divisions, with those living in the outskirting villages or living in the newer areas of town tend to look down on the more “established” areas of Northampton and all those who live there.
“What ya doin’ Saturday?”
“Goin town, you?”
“Same mate, what ya gonna be doin’?”
“Not much, stand around wif me mates for a bit, maybe get pissed in the afternoon”
Northampton is dominated by a wide array of restaurants, cafes, bars, shops and a few places where they sell insanely expensive jewelery and glassware, obviously catering to the growing trend of gentrification that threatens to eradicate the town’s original spirit.
Still, Northampton is the badass of the tri-county area. The school district takes students expelled from other schools and assimilates them. It also has a rapidly expanding drug community.
“No Hadley is a dump and Northampton is F***ing awesome”